36 Questions

It’s a long weekend and I have nowhere to go and no one to meet. Craving for connections, but I trust no one, so I guess answering questions will do.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Kinda miss my late dad at the moment, would love to eat burger with him and talk about all the things I could never talk to him before.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Author-way.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Yes. I don’t know why, phone call makes me nervous. If I’m not rehearsing before, I will stutter my words.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

New place, great food, spending time with someone that appreciates my company and makes me laugh.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I mostly sing to myself when I cook, never sing for someone else, though.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Mind.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

I do. I think I’ll die of cancer or heart attack. It’s hereditary and I’ve been hospitalized because of mild cases of both issues. If cancer is my poison, I just hope that I would find a good hospice facility or great palliative care when the time comes.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

Don’t have partner. But if I do have one, I would like to have someone who appreciates food just like I do.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

I live in a quite great house and a great neighborhood.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I would love to be taught on how to be brave and take more challenges.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Oh am I supposed to pretend that I am having a partner? I totally forgot that this 36 Questions are supposed to makes people fall in love with each other. Desperate, I know.

Umm, I saw many separations and complicated relationships since I was a child. Always a class clown, I make jokes to survive and get a friend. I met my first family-by-heart at university but I didn’t have what it takes to make them stay. I trust no one and it hurts. I always feel like I know things people don’t know but I pay a big price for that. I never feel like an adult. Always feel like I am 5 steps behind. I feel like I have potentials on so many things, but don’t have a chance to prove it. So I am stuck in the theory. I would love to say that I am a good person but I am just not sure.

I need to say good things about me and I am struggling to find even one. I love to cook, I am not quite artsy but I love art, I work like a genie, I love to read, I love to write, I love solving problems. I actually like to solve math problems. I read people like a book. I saw someone’s darkness so easily. I love to work in a company, but I hate competition. I have a thing with Japanese culture. I don’t like being stuck. I love food. I love to make itineraries. I am introvert. I am no perfectionist.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability of asking favors. It’s hard.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

When will I die so I know whether I should save money or spend it like I will die tomorrow.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Buying a house, living my own life. I think I am just afraid that I’ll feel lonely.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Working an office job. Used to hate it, used to get scared by it.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Stability. I need to know that people would still be there even if I am making mistakes.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Eating breakfast with my grandma and grandpa.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

My first internship, my first breakup.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I will just make sure that I won’t be anyone’s burden when the time comes.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

Someone who cares about you and you care about them too?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

No roles =)). I mean, just a normal human who craves for those things, but don’t know how to get it. So trying to think about something else most of the time.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Can’t do that. No partners.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

I wouldn’t call my family perfect. Some pains stay forever. But they are pretty warm when eating together. They celebrate things with food and so do I.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

We have issues that we could never really talk about, but I know that she’s always trying to protect me and only wishes for me to have a safe life.

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

Well, I am currently feeling awkward and desperate.

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

I wish I had someone with whom I could share my life with without I’m being scared or unsecured or confused.

And no, not talking about marriage or something like that. Just wish that I have someone I could look for and would know if anything happens with me–and vice versa.

It’s time to get those desperate feelings out to the real world.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

Just talk to me and don’t let me be in the dark. I overthink and assume too much.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

No partneeer.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

Have a lot. I once had fever because I ate too much MSG snacks.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I cried by myself a minimum once a week. That’s what depression does to you. Try not to cry in front of people, always makes me feel embarrassed and weak afterwards.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Sorry, can’t do.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Someone’s insecurity.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I have tried my best so I have no regrets.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

This is crazy, but I would love to get my e-book reader.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My niece. It’s hard to let go of someone that you practically raised.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Wow personal problem.

I think I just want to live more free, to let go of everything that makes me sad. Know what to do, don’t know how to do it.