Deep Conversation Recall #1: The X Factor.

A boy once shared his theory of one irresistible quality a girl could have.

He’s my best friend at the time (we don’t interact that much anymore these days, not even a single like for a mere Facebook post). He had a crush on this one girl. It’s obvious that he liked the girl more than the girl liked him. He’s always waiting, always flirting, always throwing puns, showing wits, but the girl always chooses for another man in line. Their relationship is everything but a mutual love interest. So I think it’s safe to say that my friend was being friendzoned by the girl.

He knew it, and yet he loved the girl anyway.

One day, I and my friend (who’s being friendzoned) got into a road trip together. Me, him, and two of our friends went for 2 days and 1 night trip by a private car. The purpose of the trip: to catch a glimpse of sunrise at one the beach located at the West Java, Indonesia.

It was that kind of spontaneous trip, you know. The one which turns out to be so messy and risky but at the end, it is one trip that you remember the most. It was a dangerous night-driving in the middle of mountain route (dark and foggy road, a rumor of tourist-stealing ghost included, I prayed like there’s no tomorrow). It was that i-am-so-hungry-let’s-eat-anything-we-could-find moment and everything you eat at the end would be the most delicious food you ever tasted.

Oh yeah, that was the best tempeh and rice combination in my life :))

But the most memorable part of the trip (for me), is when we’ve finally reached the side of one of the West Java’s unnamed beaches. It’s 1 a.m. in the dead of the night, still hours before we could see the sunrise, so we decided to sleep in the car. Me and my friendzoned friend (let’s call him Boy from now on, no need to mention his unfortunate situation again and again) seated in the front, and two of our other friends slept at the back of the car. There are no lights but moonlight and stars from the sky above. The air was fishy and humid. The sound of the sea rising and falling are beyond us. It’s both eerie and relaxing.

It’s the best place and time to have a deep conversation. So instead of sleeping like two of our other friends, me and Boy talking everything that we don’t usually talk in a broad daylight.

He told me about why he loves the girl so much. Or so he thought.

He said it all started with physical qualities: small waist, the luscious lock of hair, full lips, cute breast, big eyes, fair skin. But as the connection went on, the infatuation went beyond physical and transformed into something more… gripping and addictive.

The girl, who appeared to be strong and confident at first, showed him her vulnerable side, and that’s the real deal.

My friend Boy said, her tears and shaking voice awaken the protective side of him. The fact that the girl didn’t show that part of her to just anybody made him feels special. Something as simple as holding hands or riding a motorbike together felt magical after that, It’s like two souls finally collide. The wish for a kiss, a touch, bare-skin intimacy, a lick, and all kind of bed fantasies are still there, but it’s kinda overridden by the joy of connecting in a more spiritual level.

He wants her for life. He wants her for the afterlife.

But then, one day, Boy met another boy who apparently knew the fragile part of the girl too. That another boy is also friendzoned, for another different reason. They got into a discussion, and finally reached a sudden realization: they are not as special as they thought they are.

But oh, how the feelings lingered even after years. The exhilarating sensation of being that special person who knows something that nobody else knows. The VIP. The inner circle. The one who can handle the harsh truth and accept scars.

The story ended up with my friend Boy sadly laughing at himself. As the sky changed colors, he secretly wiped his teary eyes (which I pretend that I don’t see) before we woke our friends up for sunrise hunting.

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pic is taken from Pixabay

He’s married and with kids now. Loved and happy, don’t you worry. But that moment changed me forever. Sharing deepest secret becomes much more difficult after that because whenever I find a human being that I like so much that I wish to keep for a long time, the one that I wish to know about and to share my thoughts with, the question always pops out:

Do I share to lessen my burdens or do I share to manipulate?

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